Tag Archive | friendship

I Shall Not Want

I bit my lip. I squirmed uncomfortably. I sighed. I knew no one else sitting in the chairs knew what my heart was feeling. But I did, and therefore I wanted to run and hide in a hole from the truth in my heart. What made me feel violently compelled to shrink away from my own soul? Perhaps it was what the speaker spoke. He spoke it with passion. “Our identity comes from being involved in our community and from good Christian relationships with other brothers and sisters!” In the back of my mind I was thinking, “Wait a sec, that doesn’t sound right…” and in the front of my mind I was thinking, “You need to be more involved in people and your church, girl!” When the last hymn was sung I bolted from the room in pursuit of my mother, who had left early because my little brother Joshua was getting fussy during the session. He lasted an hour without moving, but babies will be babies, I suppose. As I walked out of the building into the biting, bitter January bluster, I held my gloved hands up to my face to warm my freezing cheeks. “Was the speaker right?” I wondered. “Is it wrong to not be in a current friendship or deep relationship with another believer?”


That was the first of my always revolving thoughts. It haunted me awhile, and everywhere I went it always seemed like every speaker and pastor put such a HUGE emphasis on the Christian “community.” I’m not anti-social, but I’m in a season right now where it’s hard to get plugged in with a bunch of Christian peeps. I feel condemned very often for not being in a circle with lots of Christian familiars.

I’ve been working hard lately. High school is so overrated, for all you elementary and middle-schoolers who dream of high school. It’s not what Disney makes it out to be, trust me. Algebra, Geometry, Biology tests, essays, reports. It’s a lotta hard work, no kidding (my favorite subject, however, is probably literature…I’m in the process of reading the beautiful novel from eighteenth century England: Pride and Prejudice – it’s got to be my favorite read this year and one of my new all-time favorite books). Anywaaayyyyy, back on topic. I’m a busy girl. Plus, I’m an athletic girl. This spring is my first hunter jumper show season, so I’m getting cooking with my beautiful equestrian sport. I’m getting all set to work with my Dad in his logistics company, and I’ve got SAT’s this summer. *Exhaling for a brief moment.* It’s been so hard to get anything else done, and I’ve been trying to write this post for a while! I barely had time today!

In a nutshell, The Lord’s got me in a season right now (click HERE for a post about seasons) where it’s simply impossible to have some friends. But, whenever I got to church or hear a message on the radio, etc., I feel condemned for not being apart of relationships with other believers.

Christian friends are beautiful friends. I’m not against having friends. I wouldn’t mind some friends about now, trust me. But I’ve learned to let friends come into my path, not go out seeking them. I’ve learned to let them come to me. Let God lead them into my life. If He wants me to have a Sam Gamgee, then he’ll give me one. But for now, I’m without friends…or am I?

The truth suddenly dawned on me when I left the building into that biting, bitter January bluster. I had had it up to here, as my Ma would say, and I couldn’t tolerate that sinking feeling anymore. God knew that, and that’s why he gave me this thought: “Sometimes people are so concerned about the community outside of the house that they forget to see the community already in the house.” My heart leaped and I’m sure if my chest wasn’t there to push it down it would’ve soared beyond the moon. I turned to my mother, and told her of my newfound revelation and she rejoiced with me.

I had it.

The community given to us is the community we must serve.

The community God has given me at present is not a community outside my home. My community is my family. My Mum (lol, Ma), my Dad, my sister and my brothers. They are my friends. Friends that can never be taken away or friends whose ties can never be severed.

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Mother and Father of Asgard and Hulkie Me

What is so often missed is the community you are born into; the community of the family. If anyone can understand you more than you understand yourself, it is your mother who has already walked in your footsteps. If anyone can make you laugh harder than you ever believed you could, it’s your Father and your little brothers. If anyone with whom you can talk about handsome male persons of your liking and not feel ashamed, it’s your mother and your sister.

My duty is to Christ, my family, to the people whom I love (and that’s a lotta people!). I love them more than I could any friend or acquaintance. I share more with them than I would any other familiar or colleague in this world. They mean more to me than a thousand horses or a million dollars. I do believe I would die for them.

My dear friends, look to your family. They were the first friends that the good Lord ever gave you. The first person you ever locked eyes with was probably your father or mother.

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Families are so often overlooked, and yet they were the first system God ever created in human nature. My family has become precious to me more than ever and through God’s teaching and lessons, I have not want for any friends. God has been my shepherd and I am no longer in constant want. Let God bring them if he may, but for now I am content.

The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want.

He maketh me to lie down in green pastures; He leadeth me beside the still waters.

He restoreth my soul; He leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for His name’s sake.

Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil; for Thou art with me; Thy rod and Thy staff, they comfort me.

Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies; Thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over.

Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life; and I will dwell in the house of the Lord for ever.

– Psalm 23

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Beefy Bro Joshua

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When you have way too much fun taking selfies with your four-year-old brother.

What better friends could a girl ask for? Amen.

Namárië,

Emily 🙂

P.S. I don’t know if I ever told you guys how to pronounce Namárië. It’s Nah-marr-eeey-eh. Thanks guys. I’m a big Tolkien junkie…love ya

Summer 2016 and Lessons Learned

Hey guys!

So, I know y’all are probably a bit grumpy with moi for not posting in like forever – but seriously. Haven’t you guys been having a heck of a good summer, too? Well, I have and I’m super excited for the rest. This fall I start BIOLOGY!!! And, I finally get frozen specimens to dissect *(evil German mad scientist laugh)*. I’m super excited for Math: more hard algebra, more hard algebra, even more hard algebra, geometry, geometry, more geometry, trigonometry, trigonometry, more trigonometry! Maybe you think I’m being sarcastic, but I’m serious. So, don’t laugh 😛 . I’m totally ready (and pumped) for real math.

I learned a lot this summer, and I’ve been dying to post (just ask my mother)!

Anyway, peeps, I wanted to share all the goofy things God put in my path this summer and I hope we can laugh over them together 🙂


May

It all probably started around May 6th with the Civil War. And let me say, that was EPIC! I had such fun…did anyone else freak out when they put Buck BACK TO SLEEP??? I did.

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Me and my little sis before we jetted off to the movies XD

 

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Scarlett Witch was awesome – what’s new? And what’s up with her and Vision??? I don’t think artificial intelligence beings can fall in love with human beings (if that’s what you call it). Whatever. I loooooved Spidey – he was just perfect! Natasha got on my nerves – again. But, she was the only one who really wanted to keep the team together, so she’s one step closer to my good side. Antman was just corny – hate to say it, but he was. I wanted to like him for Evangeline Lilly (God bless her soul), but it just wasn’t happening XD . Everything else was one word: supercalifragilisticexpialidocious.

Haha, anyway. Moving on…

Around May 11th we had one of the greatest riding lessons like, ever. My sister Ally started working on her dressage with a mare named Pinta and I started jumping – for real. My lesson horse’s name is Guy – let me tell you, he’s a big ham. That’s why one of his nicknames is “Dennis the Menace” or sometimes it’s “Cookie Monster” around the barn.

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My concentration face looks a lot like Elizabeth Olsen’s. Laugh out loud XD

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I’m soooo confident my little sister will be the next Christian Charlotte Dujardin (I highlighted Christian for a reason, to all you equestrian news followers)…but 10x better!!! South Korea 2020 here she comes (I think the next Olympics are in South Korea – could be wrong though… XD ).


July

I think it was around this time that I discovered the amazing Disney Infinity 3.0 Marvel Battlegrounds! Oh, it’s just the best Marvel versus 4 player game for Wii U! And the Star Wars games are pretty rad, too.

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My Dad is obsessed – and I mean obsessed – with the Black Panther. How obsessed? Put it this way – when he wants to kid around and wrestle with my brother John, he says things like, “Feel the wrath of a king,” or “The Black Panther is for Wakanda!” Ahem. My dad’s cool like that.

 My sister is also enthralled – and I mean enthralled – with Natasha Romanoff (say wha?). And I’m still trying to figure out who my go to character is. I love Cap, don’t get me wrong, but he’s a bit slow up against the Panther and Romanoff. Vision’s up there, too, but I don’t know. But Red and Black Suit Spidey are totally totally totally up there. I think he, Cap and Vision are all tied. My mom loves the Hulk and eternally will. He was her childhood hero and always will be – besides Jesus and my Dad 😛 .

I got more into LOTR Extended Editions this month – meaning my Dad stayed awake for FOTR. I still have to watch the Two Towers Extended Edition and Return of the King. But, I’ll get there when I get there.

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Our family discovered the Colorado Rapids MLS Team, too! We have had a blast going to the games, and we have TIM HOWARD! He’s done us justice, that’s for sure. We love those scarves to make us look like British fans from the EPL – I think (more like hope) that the 25% European in me is British – maybe. We went to one of these games for the Fourth and they had the biggest fireworks extravaganza in all CO! And I’m not saying that from being excited, I’m saying that because that’s what statistics are showing.

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And one of the best things that happened this July was THE LAUREN DAIGLE/HILLSONG UNITED CONCERT!!!!!!! I am still reeling over the power Christ put into that room on July 25th at the Pepsi Center. I took two videos, and I finally uploaded them to YouTube, so here they are:

One of the main things that touched me about that night was the way I was freed from anxiety. As Hillsong sang Prince of Peace, speaking of how God is always there, and we have nothing to fear, I stood, raised my hands, and let the tears stream down my face as I sang my heart out to God asking Him to free me. And I was. I am.

I’m getting ready to move on in this life, and some of you know. I was afraid. I was scared. But the Prince of Peace is holding my hand step by step, kneeling at my bedside every night guarding me with a double edged sword. He strokes my hair and wipes away my tears, anxiety, and fears.

“If God is for us, who can be against us?”

– Romans 8:31

And that’s one of the biggest things I’ve learned this summer: My God is for me. My family lasts forever. My sister and crazy bros are my greatest friends above all.

Which brings me to my last point – today.

Today was my youngest brother Joshua’s birthday. His first birthday. I remember this day last year so clearly.

5:00 A.M. July 31st 2015:

“Emily, wake up.” Mom was hovering over me. She was smiling sweetly and she tapped my shoulder. “Huh?” I mumbled, still drowsy from sleep. She smiled bigger and added, “Hun, my water broke – I need to go to the hospital. Joshua’s coming!” I smiled too, this time and kicked off the covers and rushed to Mom’s room. Dad was on the floor putting towels down over spilled amniotic fluid. He smiled as we came in – I don’t remember, but he might’ve given me a thumbs up. Mom put my cell phone in my hand and told me to text and watch for texts always. And Skype every morning they were away. I took a deep breath. Ally came in about ten minutes later, walking like something out of the zombie apocalypse. Mom and Dad showered, dressed, and before long, they were in the car and off to the hospital.

9:00 A.M. July 31st 2015:

I opened my eyes to a bright sunlight streaming in the window. I glanced around. “Why am I in Mom’s bed?” I thought. Then I remembered. Mom and Dad were both gone – off to deliver Baby Joshie. I woke, made some waffles, read my Bible, and I was ready for anything. Soon after, Ally and John woke up, I made them waffles and they watched Curious George for about two or maybe three hours!

1:00 P.M. July 31st 2015:

John took his nap everyday at 1, so I put him to sleep. I pulled some frozen pizza rolls out of the freezer and stuffed all 40 onto a baking dish and put them in the oven. Ally suggested we watch Avengers, so we did – each of his eating 20 pizza rolls each. I smile thinking about it. John woke up about the time when Stark flew into one of those weird Asgardian things. I still don’t know what they are. But, they look like zis:

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If someone knows what this is, please tell me! I hate being inept even in tiny ways to my favorite fandoms…

Anyway, that’s when John woke up. Dad sent me pictures of Ma in her hospital bed from time to time and every time my phone buzzed, I pounced on the Message+ app. We didn’t Skype that first day, but I could always see Ma’s face and Dad’s in my head. I tried to imagine what Joshua would look like when he finally took his first breath.

3:00-6:00 P.M. July 31st 2015:

We played outside on the trampoline, swings, fed the horse two flakes o’ alfalfa (that was when we still had ol’ Sunny), played fetch with the dogs, all that jazz. We came in, ate some left over frozen pulled pork Ma had made about two days before! I put it on some warm sandwich rolls and let all the yummy pork juice get soaked into them.

7:00 P.M. – 12:00 A.M. July 31st 2015:

I put John to bed, and Ally and I prepared for our night. Mom and Dad had texted us and given us permission to watch Captain America the Winter Soldier for the VERY FIRST TIME EVER!!! We bought it on Amazon Instant Video. Every time I see it on our video library or go to watch it, I think about Joshua’s birth.

Anyway, we were pretty excited to watch the movie, so we slipped under the covers in Ma and Dad’s big queen bed and turned on the TV.

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I think it was right as Steve said, “On your left,” the first time, that the phone in my lap buzzed. I picked it up urgently, not putting the movie on pause. I pounced on the Message+ app for the fiftieth time, and there it was. A picture of Mom, holding a screaming, baby boy in her arms. The message: Joshua – 7 lb. 11 oz.

I almost cried when I saw it. I put the movie on pause just as Steve passed an annoyed Sam Wilson. “Ally! Ally!” I whispered loudly, nudging her with my elbow. “Look!” She took my phone and looked at it. She gasped and said, “Oh yay! He’s here!” “He sure is!” I answered, taking my phone back.

I’ll never forget that day. Never ever. The day my little brother – my new 3rd best friend – came into the world.

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A day year old Joshie at the Hospital…

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Joshua @ Year One

 

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And to all my whole family: I love you. You guys keep me going and without you, I don’t know what I’d do. I thank God for all o’ you everyday…

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My beautiful sis Ally: You WILL be the next Christian Charlotte Dujardin…but like I said, 10x awesome-er! I love you. 🙂

 

My little bro John: Keep being the big strong man you are! You never cease to amaze me. I love you.

My little bro John: Keep being the big strong man you are! You never cease to amaze me. I love you.

 

 

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To my beautiful parents: You’re always there for me cheering me on over the next jump. You’ve never given up on me – no matter how many times I’ve given you pretty darn good reasons to! I will always love you and thank you for the care, support, and love you pour into me. I love you guys with all my heart. You are my heroes and I want to be just like you as a wife and mother, Ma when I grow up. And Dad, I hope my hubby’s got the same “cool” that you have! I want him to be just like you in his walk with Christ and in the way he loves me.

And God, I’m thankful to you for teaching me great nuggets this summer.

Amen.

Until we next meet,

Emily Greenleaf 😛